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  Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Kurch, P.A.

  Title: On the plus side / P.A. Kurch.

  Description: New York: West 44, 2020.

  Identifiers: ISBN 9781538385173 (pbk.) | ISBN 9781538385180 (library bound) | ISBN 9781538385197 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Teenage pregnancy--Juvenile fiction. | Pregnant teenagers--Juvenile fiction. | Life change events--Juvenile fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.K873 Wa 2020 | DDC [F]--dc23

  First Edition

  Published in 2020 by

  Enslow Publishing LLC

  101 West 23rd Street, Suite #240

  New York, NY 10011

  Copyright © 2020 Enslow Publishing LLC

  Editor: Caitie McAneney

  Designer: Seth Hughes

  Photo Credits: Cover (pregnancy test) Africa Studio/Shutterstock.com; cover (calendar) mizar_21984/Shutterstock.com.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer.

  Printed in the United States of America

  CPSIA compliance information: Batch #CW20W44: For further information contact Enslow Publishing LLC, New York, New York at 1-800-542-2595.

  For Yazenid

  OCTOBER

  CHAPTER ONE

  There I was.

  Bryan Parker. The smart kid. The quiet kid. The polite kid. The kid who was always asked to help out. Even though I was only seventeen years old, people always said I was going places.

  I never got into trouble. I kept to myself. Getting into trouble would’ve killed me. It would’ve killed my teachers, too. And my parents! If I ever got in big trouble with them, well…

  My parents raised me to be responsible. They taught me to admit my mistakes and fix them. I always did that, without fail. My mother was tough on me. She grew up in Korea with a big family. She wanted me to go to college, something that she never got to do. And my dad! He had been to several colleges. Right now, he was even teaching at one.

  As a kid, I knew I wanted to be smart. Just like him. So I stuck to school and excelled at everything I did. By seventeen, I applied to college. I was going to make video games someday. I was sure of it, and I was counting down the months until graduation and life starting.

  But then I’d remember my boring, quiet life in the suburbs. I loved the idea of living in a big city. It was always busy and loud. I could never be bored there.

  I was an only child and for good reason. My mom had nine brothers and sisters. My dad had four. They loved the idea of a simpler life. They also loved having their attention all on me—their one child.

  My dad’s parents were very tough on him growing up. He wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. He couldn’t get into trouble. So when I was born, he knew that he wanted different for me, and he would tell me this all the time. “Don’t ever be afraid to come to me,” he’d say. “No matter how much trouble you find yourself in, Bryan.”

  I know I did well. I stayed out of trouble. I kept a small circle of friends. I made my parents happy.

  Sometimes, my mom would get in a mood where she’d yell at me. Maybe my essay for school wasn’t quite finished. She was very serious about school. I’d sit there and listen to her lecture me, and then my dad, minutes later, would come to my door. “Don’t worry about it,” he’d say.

  He knew it was okay to take breaks sometimes. He’d invite me into the living room to play video games for a while. My mom would sigh, telling him it was waste of time. My dad would then very gently remind her, “He’s only a kid once, Jin.”

  The argument would end there. “Well. Maybe just for today,” she’d say. She knew I needed a break from schoolwork and a quiet life. And that’s how it went, for years.

  Alyssa Holbrook and Evan O’Reilly were my two best friends. Alyssa and I started dating when we were juniors. I had known her since kindergarten. She loved everything about law and politics. She wanted nothing more than to become a lawyer. I swear, with her brains and attitude, she could be president.

  And Evan! He was a year behind us. He was the most lovable geek I ever knew. Comic books were his life.

  Sometimes all three of us would play video games together. Those nights weren’t complete without lots of junk food. My mom would tell us how she hated junk food. Still, though, she’d buy it for us. She knew we were safer inside. Away from all of the trouble happening outside.

  And we kept out of trouble. For the most part.

  I never said we were perfect.

  I was a senior now. October had just started. Evan was finding his way through his junior year.

  And Alyssa? Alyssa had recently moved a whole town over with her moms and little sister, Laura. She was now in an all-girls school, and she absolutely hated it. The only thing she did like was being on Student Council. She put all of her political knowledge to the test. Still, though, she missed being in school with us. We didn’t see each other as much, either. Her mom had also recently divorced her dad and remarried. Alyssa hadn’t been taking things well.

  On top of that, she’d just had a family wedding in Virginia. She had been gone for two weeks and was missing us even more. All of us had school in the morning, too. Her moms, though, started driving back a little too late. We texted back and forth, but that night, she sounded annoyed. She was quieter than usual, too. I didn’t think much of it. Not at the time, at least.

  Evan and I were in my room as we played games. Time passed slowly. We waited to hear from Alyssa. Just something to know that she got home safely.

  The conversations that Evan and I had were usually stupid. That night, though, was different. Our talk was more serious. The questions were largely for me—my plans for work and school and Alyssa. Graduation was eight months away. And poor Evan! He still had another year. He didn’t hide his jealousy well. Or at all.

  “Don’t you get it!?” Evan yelled. “You’re getting out soon!”

  I shook my head. “It’s not like we’re in a prison!” I replied.

  Evan disagreed. “School seems like a prison,” he mumbled.

  We talked about other seniors in my class. Some just didn’t care anymore. Not me, though. I kept busy. There was no room for mistakes. I just had to get into college so I could get out of here. I secretly worried about Evan. He had two older brothers who were super tough on him. Me and Alyssa were his only friends. Without us, he’d be lost. High school wouldn’t be the same for him next year.

  Flashes of color lit up my room. Suddenly, we stopped talking, as we focused on our game. Finally, Evan spoke.

  “So what happens? After college?” he asked. His eyes were locked on my TV. My eyes didn’t move, either.

  “California. Maybe Toronto,” I answered. “That’s where the best games are made.” I thought about my dream life for a moment. I lost my focus on the game. I stopped playing. I let Evan win.

  He glanced at me, half happy, half annoyed, and he set his controller down.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing yet,” Evan said, almost sadly.

  “You’ve still got time,” I replied. “You have a whole ‘nother year!”

  Evan threw up his hands. “Easy for you to say!” he shot back. “You’ve had your life planned out since, like, fourth grade.”

  “First grade, actually,” I joked. “And I get your point.”

  My phone buzzed. Alyssa’s name appeared on the screen. Evan knew it was her.

  “And you two,” he said. “You’ve liked her since the fourth grade.”

  I laughed. “Wrong again
, Evan. Kindergarten, at least.”

  Evan picked up his controller. He handed me mine. I told him to wait a second.

  CHAPTER TWO

  That’s where the conversation ended. Maybe she fell asleep? I texted her one last thing. Maybe she would see it.

  Her words, though. They burned in the back of my mind. “Messed things up.” I kept going over it. Evan could tell that I wasn’t focused. At all.

  “Dude, why aren’t you playing?” he asked. He sounded annoyed. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. Evan continued pressing buttons. He swore and then he sighed. “What did Alyssa want?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “She’s on her way home,” I replied. “But the trip. I don’t think it went well.”

  “Is it her moms again?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe,” I replied. Evan paused the game.

  Now, Evan never pauses his games. The house could be on fire and I swear he’d still play. He looked at me, with this serious look on his face. “What did she say?” he asked.

  I showed him my phone. He read the texts silently to himself. He shook his head and grabbed his controller. Evan un-paused the game. “Bryan, it’s probably just her moms again,” he told me. “Plus, Alyssa misses her dad. This is all sorta new to her.”

  Evan seemed so sure. I still had a weird feeling. Evan handed me my controller. “Now, please,” he went on. “We have a boss to beat. I can’t do it alone.”

  I played for only about a minute. And then, out of nowhere, I asked him, “Why would Alyssa want to see me about her moms?”

  Evan continued playing. He barely moved. Did he hear me?

  “Evan,” I said. He was ignoring me. I knew him too well. I called his name again. Then I took my controller and paused the game.

  Evan dropped his controller onto the floor. He swore again, and he looked down, putting his face into his hands. “She said she messed up. And what? She needs to see you? After school?” he asked.

  “Well, no,” I corrected him. “She wants to see me. Wants. She didn’t say needs.”

  He glared at me. I knew that he knew about Alyssa and me. And what happened right before she moved away.

  “That party we had right before school started,” he continued. “You two disappeared for an hour. Nobody knows where you two went.”

  I wondered for a moment. Should I play stupid? Nothing got by him, though. Alyssa and I did disappear for a while at the party. Evan didn’t mention it at the time, so why bring it up now? Did he know what happened? I decided to play it off as nothing. “Half hour,” I shot back. “And I told you. It was just for a walk.”

  Evan thought about it, but I don’t think my plan worked. He shook his head. “Look,” he said, as he started his game again. “You’ll see what happens after school tomorrow. It’s probably nothing.”

  He was probably right. Plus, it was late. We were both tired. We didn’t talk much after that. Eventually I fell asleep. I think Evan played games through the night.

  Staying up late to play video games was not the brightest idea. Mondays are tough enough as it is. Evan and I pretty much crawled through the school day.

  We never beat that boss, either! Evan ended up crashing on my couch. I hadn’t slept long. I mostly sat wide awake in my bed. Alyssa’s text kept bothering me all night. Sometimes, throughout the day, I’d be happy about being in class. It kept my mind off of things. And then, I’d suddenly remember Alyssa’s text, and things felt worse all over again.

  After school, I walked alone to the bookstore, where Alyssa asked me to meet her. That was one of our favorite spots to hang out. Me, her, and Evan usually spent hours there after school.

  Alyssa’s favorite books were about human rights. She would read books about women’s rights and famous activists. And Evan loved the comic book section. He would explain things to me that I just never understood. I myself loved gaming magazines. I knew one day I wanted to be in one.

  Today, though, there’d be none of that. I think Alyssa just wanted to talk. Evan asked if I wanted him to tag along. “Not today, buddy,” I told him. He told me he understood.

  It was a much colder October day than usual. My walk was quiet. All I had were my thoughts. Lots of thoughts. That’s all I remember now. That, and Halloween decorations that lined every front yard.

  Eventually I turned the corner where the bookstore was. I saw Alyssa standing outside, holding her coat close to her. She didn’t see me. She was looking down at her phone. I called her name. She looked up and smiled, but only briefly. She looked a little worried. I couldn’t even get out a full “hello.” She gently grabbed my arm and marched me right into the bookstore.

  The owner, Mr. Jennings, said “hi” to us. “And Bryan,” he said, “tell Evan! A whole bunch of new comic books just came in!” I promised I’d tell him. “You’re good kids,” Mr. Jennings said. Alyssa was in a hurry. She tried pulling me away without seeming rude.

  She and I walked between the shelves of books. “So how was vacation?” I asked. A new magazine caught my eye. I stopped myself.

  “Fine. Wonderful, even,” she replied. Her answer was short, almost sharp.

  “And how was school?”

  “I didn’t go today. We didn’t get home until two in the morning.”

  Alyssa eventually stopped answering my questions. Her lips were sealed. I started to worry. Did what we did together ruin everything? The move wouldn’t have helped, either. We barely saw each other since then.

  Finally I asked her, somewhat annoyed: “Is everything… okay?”

  It dawned on me that she’d stopped walking. I looked up, realizing where she’d led me. We were standing in the parenting section. Colorful books towered over us. The Big Baby Name Book! That one stood out to me for some reason.

  I looked at the title. I looked at Alyssa. She looked at the same book. Our eyes locked. And then, out of nowhere, she fell into my arms, crying.

  “Woah, take it easy,” I said. Bad idea. She began crying even harder. I stood there, awkwardly, as she sobbed. Another couple walked into the same section and they stopped right in their tracks. They looked at me, eyeing me up like I hurt her or something.

  “It’s just allergies,” I told them. They shook their heads at me and turned right around. I felt eyes on us, from around every bookshelf corner. I could’ve died right there! Right next to the Just For Dad magazines. I asked Alyssa to look up at me.

  “Can we maybe do this somewhere else?” I asked. She nodded, wiping away her tears.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I offered to drive Alyssa’s car to her new house. She was too upset to drive—by what, I still wasn’t sure. When we got there, Alyssa quietly opened the door. Their new house was beautiful. I had no time to admire it, though. Alyssa took me by the arm again and headed for the stairs. Her mom called her name. Alyssa cringed. Slowly we walked back downstairs. I looked around more this time. There were boxes everywhere. They were still unpacking.

  “Hi, Bryan,” her mom said to me with a smile. “Dinner’s almost ready, Alyssa,” she continued. “You’re welcome to join us, Bryan.”

  Alyssa squeezed my arm. I knew what that meant. Keep my mouth shut. “No, Mom,” Alyssa replied. “He just stopped by. To get his… books! Books that I forgot to give back to him. Before we moved.”

  My heart was racing. I could feel how nervous Alyssa was. Her mom looked at us like something was off. I prayed that she didn’t ask for the titles of these imaginary books. She finally smiled. “Okay. No problem,” she said. “Dinner’s in half an hour!”

  Alyssa glared at me. “Too close,” she whispered. We raced up the stairs again and right into her room. She told me to sit down at her desk. Alyssa closed the door, leaving it open just a bit. She then walked to her dresser and opened the bottom drawer. Clothes fell to the floor. Alyssa tossed them aside.

  Then, something landed by my feet. Two somethings. Two long pieces of white plastic.

  I knew exactly what they were. My jaw dropped.

&
nbsp; Alyssa crossed her arms. Her face grew red and her lip shook in a way I had rarely seen in all of our years as friends. She choked back a sob. I knew she didn’t want anyone to hear. Alyssa started to walk back and forth, talking to herself. “My moms are going to kill me,” she said. To be fair, Alyssa always said that, no matter what she did. But this time? They might actually kill her. I picked up the pregnancy tests. I rubbed my eyes.

  Both of them read “Pregnant.” And right there, next to that word: a big, blue plus sign. Maybe I was seeing things. I looked at one more closely. Maybe it wasn’t a plus sign? The room was dark and dusty from all of the unpacking. Only evening light shone through the curtains. I tried to focus my eyes. No, it was definitely a plus sign. I dropped the first one on the desk. I checked the second one.

  I couldn’t breathe for a minute. My whole future, my dreams of school and video games and life in a big city, crumbled away in my mind. In that instant, everything changed. Alyssa approached her desk. She snatched the pregnancy test out of my hand.

  She stared at it for what felt like hours. She wiped tears from her eyes.

  “What did we do?” Alyssa asked, almost in a whisper. “What do we do?” she continued. I could hear her anger and disbelief and shame. All of that in herself. I myself was running through emotions—hundreds of them.

  I stammered. Hesitated. And then: “We’ve gotta tell someone.” I didn’t believe what I just said. Not at first. I looked at Alyssa. “Right?” I asked. My parents would definitely kill me, too. This was too much trouble for being my first trouble.

  Alyssa picked up the pregnancy tests. She tossed them back into the bottom drawer. Clothes were carelessly piled back on top of them. “No. We don’t tell anyone. Can’t tell anyone.”

  “What else are we going to do?” I asked desperately through clenched teeth. This was stupid, thinking we could hide it! I realized I was angry with Alyssa, for the first time in fourteen years. We couldn’t just hide it.